So I have been sitting here in peace and quiet. I had a brief textsation (conversation via text message - yeah I made that up) with a guy that I dated almost 10 years ago (DAMN has it really been that long, I guess so) who commented on my previous blog entry (don't worry, I won't put you on blast - in case you're reading today). He said that he thought that I had a lot going on. I went back and re-read my blog. Man if you think that's a lot, you haven't seen anything yet.
I am trying to adjust to life without TV. I am trying to make some decisions about certain things in my life, in an effort to budget. Far too often I get caught up trying to keep up with the Jones', but them foolios ain't worried about me so why should I be worried about them.
Tonight when I got home, I was quite distracted about whatever. I'm still not feeling 100 so my first thought was to get in the bed and get some rest. That didn't work too tough. I knew that I wasn't going to have one of my moments where I started calling people in my phone book just to talk.
*Footnote - I reallllllllllllly hate the reply all button. I wish people would stop overusing it! Damn!*
One thing that I haven't really talked about recently is my battle with depression. One thing about this blog is that it is an honest look at my life, my struggles, my victories and defeats. The average person won't put themselves on blast like I do, which can be a good and a bad thing. Some aspects of my life I need to be more open, others I should probably keep to myself. Maybe when I grow up, I'll know when to say when. I suffer from depression. Not the kind where I need drugs and I'm hella crazy (maybe I should start taking the pills - that was a joke). Around this time last year (January 2009) I started seeing a psychologist. The first thing that I told her is that I want to get well without using drugs. Over the course of our sessions, I learned things about myself, about my behaviors and about my environment which cause me stress and lead to my depression. On the depression scale, I am on the mild side of things. There is a lot in my life to be grateful and thankful for. My hope is that in time I will hold more to that than the alternative.
Tonight, I was reading a classmate from high school's blog.
*Footnote - it is inspiring to share the same space with talented people. At times I forget what I am capable of and it takes seeing someone else express themselves to know that it's okay for me to express my talents too*
In reading this classmate's blog, one blog of interest was her perspective on the statement "there are no good men out there". I read her blog, re-read mine and realized that the guys in the picture weren't totally the problem. Granted a big problem in most relationships is communication or more complexly communicating expectations and hopes. I believe James and Mr. Dud are pretty good guys. I'm pretty sure they just aren't right for me. That Col. Mustard though...he might be kinda shady. Incompatible doesn't mean universally bad - it means bad for you. You are not the standard on what is right and wrong in relationships, so if you have a bad experience with a guy, it might just be the situation - two people, two different books, not right, not wrong - just different.
So I pulled myself together and made it to work today (I was out for the last couple of days with flu like symptoms). A little goes a long way when it comes to makeup can not be any closer than the truth. I believe in the grand scheme of things I am a natural beauty. I have great skin (thanks mom and dad) and a natural smile (when I do smile). I think my personality is pretty awesome most of the time too. I think that part of my natural beauty in my slightly tomboyish innocence which also gets me in trouble. I know the importance of pulling all the stops out (hair, feet, nails - all the girly shit), I just don't embrace it regularly. That's just not me. The funny thing about that is, I have TONS of MAC makeup. Why, because I like the way it looks on other people and I do like the way it looks on me. Plus getting it at a discount helps...(pause while I take call from Richard)
*Footnote - I took a phone call from a friend of mine, read him my blog so far. He seemed to like it, except for the footnote part. He thought they should be called sidenotes. No boo, my blog, my notes. Deal with it!
Anyway, I put on some lip color, one eye shadow, liner and mascara. There were some comments like "wow, you're all made up today". I didn't think adding a little color could mean so much but apparently it does. If you know anything about MAC, you know that not only do they use WAYYYYYYYYYY more than one, they often use bright and bold. Definitely not the case for me, going into work, even if I was going to athletics. Anyhoo, the meeting was fairly productive except I could hardly talk and sounded really nasally most of the time. But I am excited to work with athletics (insert smirk here).
I talked to Dud today. We actually have some work to discuss so we will probably talk tomorrow. Nothing's going to come from it. He, like my Ninja Turtle *remember I change the names to protect me from getting my ass kicked* will most likely be admired from a far. And I am cool with that. For now, let's focus on doing me, loving me, appreciating me, spending time with me, catering to me. Everyone else who matters will still be there when I'm done.
~Good night~ with a shot of Henny!