Writing

It's amazing. I said that when things got better, I would write more. You know I would start a story and write and never finish it. I started writing stories as early as elementary school. I remember writing a story about a little girl (me) who ended up playing third base for the Oakland A's. What some of you may or may not know about me is that I used to play third base when I played softball and t-ball. I was pretty good at it. I was so good that I thought it was possible for me to play third base for the A's before I turned 16. Oh to be young with a dream. I had so many of them and I would write about them. It's amazing. My degree is in Journalism and I don't write nearly as much as I should. When I lived on the East Coast, I did a lot of writing. I had to. I either had a section to complete for the school paper, a story idea to submit to the plantation, a journal entry about how things weren't how I thought they would be, a shot sheet - whether it was full of errors or not...I did a lot of writing. Now, four years of being home, I don't have anything to write about. If that isn't a damn lie! Writing, is a lot like cooking for me. It is very therapeutic. I think I'm pretty good at it, and others would agree. The same who would agree that I'm good at it, would also say that I need to do it more often. I remember talking to one of my girl friends from undergrad and I asked her what I should make for dinner. She suggested that I make some fried chicken, because she remembered being a big fan of my chicken. She hadn't had any of my chicken in 6 1/2 years but she remembered it. I remember being on campus shortly after graduation and the former dean of my department asked me to sign a copy of the paper where I had written an editorial on "Super Seniors". I am pretty good at this stuff. I have to be, it comes so natural to me. Whether or not it's grammatically correct is not the issue. I try to write in a way that you can hear my voice through my words. My writings should sound like a conversation that you would have with me. I guess that's my style. And when I get over myself, you'll see. One day I'll get back at it. But until then, I'll give a shout out to my fellow Titan who writes WELL everyday, Synitta. Keep doin' what you do...you never know who's reading.

Change to Come

While I am thrilled beyond words that Barack Obama is now known as President Barack Obama, I recognize that there is a lot of work to be done. I applaud President Obama. He looked at a situation and decided that there needed to be a change. It's interesting that people look to our President to change and fix all the problems of our nation. That's not going to be the case.

I have friends who went to DC for the weekend. One of them almost got into a fight with someone at a diner who was wearing an Obama jacket. One of them was beaten and robbed at gunpoint while walking to the Metro. You would believe that people in DC who were in town for the inaugural would have been on better behavior. But that would imply that they were about change. Clearly not.

What people need to realize is that the change doesn't come from President Obama, the change comes from within. President Obama is an inspiration. He is truly remarkable but it doesn't come from him. The change that you and I need doesn't come from him. It comes from within us. He saw an opportunity for change and acted on it. There are opportunities for us to change someone in our lives, in our schools, in our communities everyday. Our change has come, not in the form of our President, but in the form of ourselves. Let's work, people!

My Soul Revealed - Lesson #2 - Hold it! The Hold Back Factor

I've been gone a little while...my bad. Just trying to get my thoughts together (sorta) and just been in the mix I guess trying to figure it out. I think this'll help.

What doubts do you struggle with?

I struggle with self doubt. I am an amazing woman, but I don't believe it everyday. But it's a good thing that I have faith in something other than myself.

Explain significant past hurts, misunderstandings and grudges that you feel are holding you back.

Past hurts in relationships hold me back from going to get the healthy intimate relationship, I deserve. The same thing can be said about misunderstandings. Grudges are a little different because I don't think I hold grudges. I remember but I also forgive. I can't say the same for others (those of you in Bristol or have been to Bristol). Having a reoccurring broken heart holds me back from trusting and loving. I'm getting there. I actually want to be there.

What past hurt do you believe is your greatest barrier?

Relationships. Two of the relationships that I had in undergrad have had a tremendous impact on my relationships with men. I forgive them and I believe now is a good time for me to try this REAL relationship thing. I believe I'm ready.

What is the most vulnerable part of your life?

I am very gullible and trusting. I don't guard my heart too tough. Subsequently, because of that I fall victim to having it played with and broken.

What could someone do to make you able to talk about your concerns, anger, weaknesses, pain and struggles?

Someone would really just have to ask and really listen. The problem is that people have so much going on in their lives that they don't really have time to deal with others issues all the time. There are some people who can deal with some issues, some of the time. No one can really deal with them all the time.

Who do you believe has disappointed you or told you a negative story about yourself in your lifetime?

Lots of people, close and distant, have disappointed me. Too many to name...

Is there a relationship that you believe should be mended?

There are some relationships that should be mended. Will they be mended depends on the other person. I am open and willing but it takes two.