Sunday, December 5, 2010

My Weight

For the past few years, I have really been struggling with my weight. I have gained a lot of weight in the last 3 years. The initial weight gain was stress related (in the past three years, my father has had a heart attack, suffered renal failure, had a stroke and most recently had one of his toes amputated, my mother has had a couple of breakdowns, my brothers are...nuts and then there are my own things going on in my life). But I haven't really done much to try and get the weight under control. It's almost like I am in denial. I see pictures of me and I wonder "who's that cute fat girl", only to realize that it's me. I've got to do something about this and it starts now. 

I recently set a goal to lose 70lbs by May 1st. Yes, 7-0. Yes it seems like a lot of weight but I have a lot to lose. But more importantly than having a lot to lose, I have so much more to gain. And I owe it to myself, my husband (yes, I said husband - no, there isn't something that I didn't tell you), my children and grandchildren, my friends and my family to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I started tracking my weight this week. Every morning before I get in the shower, I get on the scale. When I get to work, I plop the data into a spreadsheet. On Friday, I recently added two more sheets to the document, a food tracker and a activity tracker. 

So far, the weight tracker has been interesting because I think about my eating habits and how that translates to what's on the screen. So starting this week, I'm going back to planning my meals, making it a point to have breakfast, to sit down and cook dinner. I'm always amazed when I cook something and it tastes so good. But it's not like I can't cook, so I shouldn't be shocked. It's just that I don't. And when I do cook, it's either some sort of chicken, or spaghetti. But I'm about making changes now. And really trying to holding myself accountable. And it starts now. 

I'm not going to celebrate another birthday in this fat suit. It's not about looking good in a two piece on the beach. It's about feeling good when I put on jeans, it's about not being winded when I walk up a couple of flight of stairs. It's about getting rid of this flat patch on my ass and getting some sort of figure back. It's about recognizing more than just my face in my pictures. It's about a strong healthy heart, a life free from diabetes and heart disease which has plagued my family for so long. It's about living a long life, like my grandmother and my uncles. It's about taking care of me (first and foremost) and being there for others. I don't want to check out earlier than I have to. Therefore, it's time for me to take care of me and my weight.