Sunday, November 2, 2008

Jealousy+Envy = Good Ole Fashion Hatin'

Sometimes I wish I had it a little bit harder than others. It is only through struggle that you begin to see who you really are and possibly tap into your potential.

I named this blog "Jealousy+Envy = Good Ole Fashion Hatin' "for a reason.

Do you ever see people and on the surface, you want what they have? I'm not even talking about on a material level (we call that keepin' up with the Jones'). What I'm talking about is on a much more personal level.

I have been going through a lot lately. There are times when I think that I'm turning the corner and that things will be alright. Then I have some set backs. I know that nothing good comes from wanting what someone else has, whether it's material or not. But as people, or just me as a person, knowing it and actually practicing it are two different things.

Let me get to the point of where this blog was inspired from:

Today while at church, the First Lady, her two daughters and granddaughter came in. They are all such a beautiful family. What makes them beautiful isn't just their physical beauty, they have an internal beauty that transcends everything. And the love, it is almost sickening. They are truly the embodiment of what strong black love can do for a black family. Three beautiful young sisters who love each other and love the Lord more than life itself. I want that love, I want that connection. I want that.

You see, I don't have that kind of love. Not for myself, not for my family and only sometimes for the Lord. I wasn't raised with it and it doesn't come over night. It's something that I am longing for because I know that with it I'll be a better person, a more complete person. But right now, I just don't have it. And when I see someone or others who have it, I become jealous or envious which in today's times equalls some good ole fashion hatin'.

Now I know that everything that glittes isn't always gold. But that doesn't take away from me wanting that love. I want that love more than anything in the world.