Friday, August 26, 2011

You Know What My Problem Is?

Besides the fact that the title is grammatically incorrect, it also implies that there is only one. In the words of Jay-Z, "I got 99 problems..." But if I had to choose one or at least one in the top ten, I'd say my problem is that I believe in the happily ever after and want it so bad it probably makes me crazy. A couple of weeks ago, I started a blog asking if I was the last of a dying breed. One of the ones who wants to get married, have children and have their own happily ever after. I believe in soul mates, I believe good men (and women) still exist, I believe in and respect the sanctity of marriage, I believe those bullshit love songs and those sappy ass chick flicks. I believe in it all. I know that my love story won't end like The Thomas Crown Affair, The American President, The Best Man or The Brothers (although Best Man and Brothers are much more realistic than the first two). I know that Johnny Castle isn't going to pull me out of the corner, put me center stage and dance with me in front of everyone (although I'd really like that to happen at my wedding reception, le sigh, I digress). But if I know all of this, why do I still want it? Who knows.

Another blog I started was going to talk about how I'm always looking around at other people's relationships, admiring them, secretly wanting them. Now, I know I can't judge a book by its cover. Just because people look happy or they say they're happy doesn't mean that they are. And just because someone else has it doesn't mean that you're supposed to have it. It was reported recently in the news that Will and Jada were separating. That almost bought the world to a screeching halt (literally since there were earthquakes on both the East and West Coast the same day). It's interesting that in the news, you always hear about celebrity couples breaking up. I really root for Will and Jada because they are a successful black couple who have stayed together for years. What goes on in their relationship is not for me to judge. But I am inspired but what they portray through my eyes; beautiful, strong, black love. Now there are skeptics who say that Will and Jada do their own thing. Again, that's their business. But if you're looking to the media for relationship inspiration, you are clearly looking in the wrong place.

About two weeks ago, I was in the choir stand at church listening to the children's choir sing. And because I'm facing the congregation, I can see EVERYONE's facial expressions and body language. (I really believe that I might have Adult ADD, I should have been able to finish this blog by now if I wasn't so damn it distracted). While sitting in the choir stand, I noticed a lot of young, beautiful black couples who were so proud to see their children singing in front of the congregation. There are a lot of couples in my church, young, seasoned, non-traditional. They all have one thing in common, they're in the church. Again, I'm not saying that things in their lives are perfect but this might be a better place for me to look for my relationship inspiration than TMZ, Access Hollywood or E!

(Another problem I might have is these social networks. They make it easy for me to see EVERYTHING. And it seems like people are posting their happiness, damn it I want happiness! Maybe that should be motivation for me to get off of social networking sites for a while).

Let me be clear, while I love seeing strong,  healthy, black love, that doesn't mean that's the only love I'm open to. I consider myself pretty open to love no matter what it "looks" like. Having preferences, is different from being close minded. I think I'm pretty open and my taste in men would show that. And I'm not saying that everything is perfect as long as you go to church. Not saying that either. But I what I'm saying to myself is that I need to stop looking around at what everyone else "has". Let's be honest. People will lie/misrepresent what they have to make themselves feel better and/or to make other people jealous. I don't think that the people that I'm "looking" at are purposely saying "let me make her jealous". Recently I found myself telling myself to stop looking around and to face forward. I'm trying hard to focus on doing that but it's been a tremendous challenge. 

*pause - social networking strikes again. On Twitter, Essence Magazine posted a link about Will and Jada. I proceeded to click on it, read the article. Then there was another link about the 40 black couples we love. After clicking through that slide show, I realize a few things; 1) Essence needs to update that slide show since some of the couple have broken up. 2) Essence did some reaching because some of those couples I didn't even know who they were and 3) They weren't black couples, they were couples that had a black person in it. When I think of black couples, I think of two black people. Is it just me?*

So the answer to this question, you know what my problem is...nope I don't really know either. Wanting a happy healthy, happily ever after isn't a problem. I'm not taking the Kim Kardashian approach to getting it either. If I had to identify my "problem", it would that I'm not patient enough. And because of my impatience, I get distracted looking around at everyone else. I just need to work on my patience and know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. Easier said than done, right? But eh, at least I know what my problem is (or at least that one).

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